The subject of this paper is to investigate the impact of the death notification upon a police officer's widow. A pertinent aspect of this investigation centers on the effects of the isolation that are directly due to the manner of notification. Sources used for this paper were personal interviews with widows of slain officers of various police departments; an organization called Concerns of Police Survivors, which was organized specifically to help these widows deal with their loss; and various sources of published literature.

          The death of a spouse is a traumatic, emotionally devastating event that can change the remaining partner's life in many ways. Its occurrence can incur emotional as well as physical illnesses and can cause an upheaval difficult, or even impossible, for the surviving spouse to cope with.

          This paper will focus on a very minute aspect of this problem, the effect of the death of a police officer upon his wife; specifically, the manner in which she is apprised of her husband's death, and the effects that the manner of notification will produce. I will explore the way in which the wife is told of her husband's death, the effects upon her of the hospital visit, which she is forced, in most cases, to endure, and the overall emotional impact of the suddenness of the situation.

          I will be including in this paper case vignettes to point out the different effects that this traumatic situation has had on various widows of slain police officers in the eastern portion of this country. I have been in contact with an organization called Concerns of Police Survivors, which is a support service to help the widows of these officers in coping with such a devastation. Much of my information will be provided by the personal interviews of the widows in terms of what they actually went through when apprised of the death of their husbands and subsequent emotions and coping mechanisms that are idiosyncratic to each yet common to all.

          Usually the manner in which a police officer's wife is informed of her husband's death is handled as best as possible, under the worst of possible circumstances. Every wife dreads the radio car pulling up in front of the house, lights flashing, with three officers in blue exiting the car and knocking on the front door. Statistics have shown that this usually occurs in the evening, or late night when the largest percentage of crime occurs in the city (FBI, 1987). Therefore, the impact of the situation is such that the wife is being informed usually at the end of the day when the body and mind are both in need of rest. The impact therefore hits doubly hard, when resources are depleted both physically and mentally.

          Glasser and Strauss (1965) refer to this type of bereavement as the reaction to unexpected, sudden, or shocking death. In their theory, they state that if there is no expectation of the death, the spouse cannot have developed any method for dealing with it. Simply stated, if the husband has never been wounded before, where the wife has been put into the position of nurse, she may have denied the prospect of death, unconsciously blocking the fears and emotions connected with it. In this case, when informed of her husband's death, the wife is using the mechanism of denial. Statements like, "It can't be true," or "But he was never hurt before," are indicative of this denial. In their study, Ramsay and Happee (1977) suggest several stages that are preeminent early in grieving, denial being a relatively immediate one. They state that during this phase, even psychotic-like hallucinations can occur.

Case Illustration

I received a telephone call. They (the Capital Police Department) called me and they said, "Your husband has been shot and it doesn't look good, and now that we know you're home, we'll send somebody to pick you up." So immediately, of course, denial set in, and I'm thinking, "Oh, he's been shot in the foot." You know, you don't think the worst. And I'm putting on some makeup and fixing my hair, thinking that I wanted to look nice for him when I got to the hospital. And I no sooner got that done when this incredible panic set in. And I was getting ready to just jump into the car and try and find him somehow, when there was a knock on the door. It was two County police officers, and they said, "We understand that somebody's going to come and pick you up. We'll just stay here with you."

          Lindemann (1944) describes this denial as a change in the victim's attitude of reality to a sense of unreality--"Feelings of not being there, of watching from the outside; that events in the present are happening to someone else" (p. 141).

Case Illustration

I very much had a feeling like I was outside of myself, watching all of this go on; as if it wasn't quite real. And for a long time, for several weeks, any time the phone rang or any time there was a knock on the door, I mean the split-second reaction was, "It's him. He's going to tell me it's OK. There's been a mistake."

          Therefore, when death occurs, it produces a reduction in control of the emotions, often bringing on an hysterical reaction. Lipinski (1980) views this type of reaction as separation anxiety, which is "the feeling of distress, be it a passing sense of disquietude, or overwhelming panic, which is felt at the threat of loss and at the time of loss" (p. 5). This view is shared by Dr. John Stratton, who believes that there are usually two possible reactions seen from widows of police officers at the time of notification--either an outburst of emotion or a dazed, controlled reaction. Stratton (1984) believes that the controlled reaction may be due primarily to shock. However, he also presents a conflicting idea that this calm, controlled reaction may be due to fear; fear of the future without the husband who was, most likely, the dominant partner. The widow has, in a sense, lost her identity by losing her husband. She has lead a protected existence; therefore, the abrupt loss of the spouse leaves the widow feeling insecure, vulnerable, and terrified about being able to cope with life alone. It is therefore important for the notifying officers to be aware of these possible reactions in the widow to be able to deal effectively with her. If this is done incorrectly, the officer can enhance these feelings of fear and inhibit the widow from expressing her true emotions, which would thereby release the pent-up anxiety.

          Another unfortunate aspect of the situation in which the wife is informed is the lack of trained personnel in making the notification. It is interesting to note that although the New York City Police Department has rules, regulations, and training for the handling of every type of emergency or situation that a police officer may encounter, it has none regarding death notification. Not only are there no procedures or guidelines in the Patrolman's Guide, Administrative Guide, or Interim/Operations Orders, there is also no training given to the rank and file or supervisors handling such a situation. A notifying officer is required to handle the situation with no previous experience and with little time to prepare. Consequently, these conditions may in themselves serve to foster the crisis rather than to alleviate it.

          The police department handles the notification in the following manner. Usually two police officers, one male and one female (the addition of the female officer is only a recent one) are sent to the deceased officer's house along with a supervisor. This supervisor is generally the deceased officer's commanding officer. While it is an improvement in having a female officer present, there is a lack of training on the part of all three in handling the situation. Danto (1975), in his study of the widows of slain police officers of the Detroit Police Department, offers a typical scene of the notification procedures of that department:

Once she undid the lock and opened the door, she saw them. The two police officers were somber faced, blowing vapors of cold breath, with cheeks that turned blue and then red from the light reflected from the blinking flasher of the police car. "Janice, Jack's been hurt. We gotta take you to the hospital." "Is he hurt badly? How did it happen?" The same face said, "We gotta take you to the hospital. We don't know more than that." (p. 150)

          Most officers who are put into the position of having to make a notification are quite young, having only two to six years on the job, and this type of situation is not a common one that they have dealt with before. Under better circumstances, sometimes a department chaplain is sent along to provide spiritual comfort for the widow. However, the chaplain is not the one who makes the notification since he or she cannot officially apprise the wife of all known facts.

Case Illustration

When I got there [the hospital], the hospital chaplain said, "Let's go into this room and wait for the doctor." And it still didn't hit me what was going on. The chaplain knew, but she said nothing. So I just figured, "Well, we're just waiting for the doctor to come in and tell me how he's doing."

          Another issue that must be addressed in this situation is the theory of the notifying officer being a "co-victim." The officers who are making the notification are themselves under considerable stress, and have probably been working several hours. They have had to deal with the situation that a fellow officer has been killed, and this in itself is causing a high level of anxiety. Juda (1985) coined the term "co-victim" and states, "Co-victims experience the victim's crisis as their own unique crisis, and not only as reactions to the victim's needs and responses to the crisis" (p. 4). While Juda is talking about the co-victim of a crisis rape, this theory also seems to fit into these circumstances, the co-victim being the police officer whose life is also altered by the devastating event of another officer's death. According to Juda, the complexities of both "intrapsychic and interpersonal processes (which the co-victim goes through) will significantly hamper the co-victim from successfully adapting to the crisis and to his victim mate's needs" (p. 46). In this case, since the officers are under considerable anxiety, it is difficult for them to be empathetic to the anxieties of the widow. Therefore, the responding officers cannot really meet the needs of the widow adequately. This creates a deplorable situation for both the informing officers and the widow.

          How then do these co-victims (the officers) deal with the victim (the wife)? In some cases, this is done by holding back and staying aloof from the victim; by putting distance between what they feel and what the victim is experiencing. Suzie Sawyer, executive director of Concerns of Police Survivors, believes that the reasons for this are twofold. First, there is fear in the officer who is going through the trauma of losing a co-worker. Second, there is confusion as to how the officer should act (Sawyer, 1988). In effect, the defense mechanism that the officer is using is isolation of affect; divorcing his emotions from the event.

Case Illustration

I wasn't too pleased with him [one of the officers making the notification]. He seemed, and I know it was a hard time for everybody, but he seemed so ... cold. And I guess maybe it was just his job, I don't know. But he came across to me as being so cold. "Give me the phone numbers of the family. Give me this. The phone is busy." He actually came over to me to tell me that my in-laws' phone was busy. And I'll never forget looking up at him and saying, "So make an emergency phone call." But at that time, he had to do this to me? And out of all the people in my house, I picked him out to hate because he was so cold.

          The officer here seems to be denying any emotional stake in the situation in order to stay in control of the situation. This has the effect of isolating the wife, making her feel alone at a time when she most needs comfort and understanding. This isolation may be caused by the misconception that the spouse is somehow more prepared for the loss due to the nature of her husband's work. Since the wife was aware of the danger in the work, it is assumed that she is somehow emotionally stronger and better prepared for the tragedy than other people. This misconception, along with the reticence of the police officer in dealing with the grief of the wife, would further give the impression of abandonment to the wife. Coupling this isolation with the intense feelings of loneliness for the lost spouse can create anger or hostility toward the notifying officers.

          According to Lindemann (1944), this anger may even be an indication of the anger that the wife feels toward the dead husband. In essence, the loneliness and anxiety that the wife is experiencing from the notification is only an extension of the feeling of having been left alone by the husband. However, since the husband is gone, the wife will unconsciously choose the most convenient avenue to vent her anxiety, those immediately surrounding her. Stratton (1984) concurs with this opinion about displacement of anger when he states, "There might be emotions about a husband who was so dedicated to his job that at times his family suffered" (p. 325). I believe that this hostility is in one way or another present in any person whose spouse identifies so completely with his profession. Thus through the mechanism of displacement, the wife may use these feelings of hostility and blame the officers indirectly or directly for the husband's death. "It's all your fault. Why didn't you protect him. You let him die," may be statements heard from the wife. This type of reaction only serves to further isolate the wife. Sensing the hostility, the officers will further withdraw, creating what seems to be a vicious cycle of withdrawal and isolation where no one is getting the needed support.

          The effects of this isolation may serve to further another symptom of grief in the wife, that of guilt. The feeling of guilt is common, in one form or another, to those who experience grief. It can encompass self-blame about past events, feelings about behavior toward the partner who is dead, real or imagined negligence, or even regret for not having expressed enough love. If the wife is experiencing isolation or withdrawal by the notifying officers, she may interpret this as disapproval or blame. This may enhance the feelings of guilt that she is already experiencing. Freud (1917) interprets this self-blame as blame against the lost love object, ". . . by perceiving the self-reproaches as reproaches against a loved object which have been shifted onto the patient's own ego" (p. 128). Therefore, since the wife in reality blames the husband for dying, she then shifts this guilt to herself and blames herself. The blame, which she is then perceiving from the officer, serves to confirm this guilt, possibly intensifying it.

          Such intense feelings of guilt can lead to pathological grief or bereavement. Lindemann (1944) argues that this pathological grief may involve alternations or distortions in the bereaved's behavior (e.g., acquisition of symptoms of illness belonging to the deceased, or hostility). "These alternations may be considered as the surface manifestations of an unresolved grief reaction, which may respond fairly simply and quickly when psychiatric management is recognized" (p. 142). In relating this to the notifying officer's situation, it would seem that feelings of isolation can enhance the guilt feelings within the wife, having a maladaptive effect on her that can lead to pathological grief.

          Another aspect of the notification that can seriously harm the wife is the effort of the police officer to somehow check or block the emotions of the wife—"You have to be strong." A reason for this blocking may be that as a society we are taught to conceal our emotions. Instead of offering support, we seem to avoid the feelings of others during the time of bereavement. It is easier for us to intellectualize problems away, thereby avoiding them. We use the cliche, "Time heals all wounds," instead of saying, "Share your emotions with me and let's work them out." Two reasons for this are:

1. It shows us a vulnerability that all people, including ourselves, have, and that we are afraid to face.

2. If we share another's feelings, it makes us fear that we too will have to open up.

           In her book. Necessary Losses, Judith Viorst (1986) states that if we do succeed in deceiving ourselves into thinking that we are “taking it very well by blocking our emotions, we are in reality not doing well at all. This blocking of emotions or unresolved grief may at some later time give rise to somatic symptoms such as headaches, nausea, cramps, or palpitations (Stroebe, 1983).

          Most of the actions and reactions discussed thus far have centered upon the notifying officer and the wife of the deceased officer, before reaching the hospital. I have also found that the notification procedures in the hospital itself are conducive to blocking the emotions of and creating isolation in the wife.

          Hospitals are impersonal places at best. The sterile, severe surroundings are conducive to feelings of alienation. However, this alienation is multiplied in terms of the effect upon the widow when the hospital personnel or physician do not convey humanism - much less empathy. An example of this is described very well in the following illustration where the widow was informed by a callous doctor.

Case Illustration

So the doctor walked in. He sat down in front of me and said, "I tried everything I could. Your husband is dead." And he walked out of the room. So I could feel these emotions start to roll up inside of me, but I immediately pushed them down because my thought was, Oh my God, I ve got to get my children. I've got to get my people in." And all of a sudden I had to be in charge. I couldn't afford to be emotional because there was nobody there to help me... All of a sudden I withdrew into myself. I guess what I was doing was I was setting up my own walls so I could function. Because I knew that there was nobody else there to function.

A final effect of isolation produced by the notification process to which the widow is susceptible is the kind where a person is too sheltered, too protected. In many cases l have encountered, I have found that this has the effect of isolating the widow from her own emotions or her own capacity to cope.

Case Illustration

They [the police] had guys over here twenty-four hours a day. That night [the night of the notification] there must have been ten guys in the house. And they asked me, "If the phone rings, do you want us to get it?" And I said, -Yes, I would." They were just here. I didn't even have to take care of them. They were there to take care of me. It got funny after a while, because one would be sleeping in the bed with my son, another one on the love seat another one on the floor. They had the doctor here, and I was sedated most of the time.

          The overprotectiveness on the part of the police department, in this case, had a very damaging effect. The widow had a hard time expressing her emotions or making even the smallest decision once the entourage ol police officers left. This problem persisted for a very long time. The anger that she suppressed finally erupted one day several months later when, upon hearing that her husband's killers were apprehended, she repeatedly pounded her hand on a door, breaking her wrist, knuckles, and several fingers. This suppression of emotions due to the initial overprotectiveness also served in helping to forge a new “self” in the widow. In her own words she refers to this new self as "the front." "That was the day I learned to put on “the front.” My kids walked in the door and all of a sudden I sucked in my gut, dried my tears, and I became ‘mother.’ And I learned to do that very well from that point on.”

In researching the reactions and likely reactions of a police widow upon being informed of the death of her husband, I have found that the manner of notification can have long-range effects. Lindemann (944) cites one of these effects as delayed grief, which ". . . takes place when a normal or chronic grief reaction occurs only after an extensive delay, during which the expression of grief is inhibited" (p. 145). It is therefore imperative for the notifying officers to be aware of likely reactions from the widow and to be prepared for them. It is equally important for the widow to be able to vent her feelings in order to work them out. Therefore, the notifying officers must make an effort to establish a relationship with the widow, where the widow is given support, while at the same time she is allowed to develop her own sense of autonomy. Personnel training would seem to be the key, and would seem to be indicated for any profession in which there is a present danger that could incur loss of life.

REFERENCES

Danto, B.L. (1975). Police officer's widow. In Lillian G. Kutscher (Ed.), Bereavement: Its           psychosocial aspects (pp. 150-163). New York: Columbia Press.

Federal Bureau of Investigation. (1987). Law enforcement officers killed and assaulted. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice.

Freud, S. (1917). Mourning and melancholia. In John Richman (Ed.). A general selection from the works of Sigmund Freud (p. 124). New York: Liveright Publishing.

Glasser, B.C., & Strauss, A.L. (1965). Awareness of dying. Chicago: Aldine Press.

Juda, D. (1985). Psychoanalytically oriented crisis intervention and treatment of rape co-victims. Dynamic Psychotherapy, 3(1), 41-58.

Lindemann, E. (1944). Symptomatology and management of acute grief. American  Journal of Psychiatry 141-148.

Lipinski, B.G. (1980). Separation anxiety and object loss. In B.M. Schoenberg (Ed.), Bereavement counseling: A multidisciplinary handbook (pp. 3-35). Connecticut: Greenwood Press.

Ramsay, R.W., & Happee, J.A. (1977). The stress of bereavement: Components and treatment. In C.P. Speilberger and I.G. Sarasen (Eds.) Stress and anxiety, Vol. 4. (pp. 53-64). London: John Wiley Press.

Sawyer, S. (1988). Support services to surviving families of line-of-duty death. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice.

Stratton, J.G. (1984). Police passages. California: Glennon Publishing Co.

Stroebe, M. (1983). Who suffers more? Sex differences in health risks of the widowed. Psychological Bulletin, 93, 297-301.

Viorst.J. (1986). Necessary losses. New York: Ballantine Books.